First off, I want to thank everyone who has reached out to me or engaged in any discussion regarding the ongoing racial discrimination being brought to light. Secondly, I want to give my prayers and condolences to the families of George Floyd, Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and millions of others who have been affected by racial injustice. Lastly, I want to thank God for the opportunity to share my true and honest experience as a black man in America for what feels like the first time that people actually want to listen.
I was very fortunate in my upbringing to have had two amazing parents that dedicated their lives to setting my sisters and I up to have a better upbringing than they had. They were the first to get a college degree in their families and by doing so, became trailblazers for many of the friends and family surrounding them. Because of their hard work and sacrifice, my sisters and I were lucky enough to live in safe neighborhoods, attend great schools, and have unique opportunities that the majority of my friends and family never got the opportunity to partake in.
While in many ways my upbringing was a blessing, I also had to learn very quickly what it meant to be black in an unfamiliar environment. I honestly cannot remember being in a classroom or partaking in activities that I wasn’t the minority demographic or severely underrepresented. This often caused me to be victim to many uncomfortable questions, demeaning looks, and being intentionally and unintentionally ostracized. When I would ask my parents about this unfortunate reality, the best that they could do is sympathize with me and show me the best ways to navigate through this tough reality. As I grew up, I had to quickly adapt and learn how to disarm the negative perceptions that the world tried to impose on me because of my skin color. While doing this, I also had to uphold a certain standard of what it “meant to be black.” Because of this social tightrope that I had to walk on, I was constantly changing my identity to disarm and gain the approval of whoever I was with. It was an exhausting standard to maintain, and when I took a deeper look at myself, I didn’t even know who I was. It wasn’t until I put my identity in Christ ALONE that I found my true identity.
While finding my identity in Christ is the most important thing that has and will ever happen to me, it didn’t change the way that others around me perceived me. The looks of disgust I received while in places that weren’t expected of me such as upscale neighborhoods or businesses and the racial slurs that were shouted at me from passing cars didn’t stop. For a while, I just assumed no one cared about the reality that I lived in because it was never discussed or even acknowledged outside of the black community. On February 26th, 2012, the day that Trayvon Martin was brutally murdered by George Zimmerman, I thought that was finally going to change. As the story continually gained national attention, I was certain that it would be the catalyst for change in our nation and that more conversation about racial inequality would arise. Unfortunately, I felt as though the opposite occurred once the verdict was returned that he was found not guilty. I was overwhelmed with feelings and thoughts that said that I wasn’t safe in my own community, that my life wasn’t valued at all as a black male, and that I was seen as a threat or a problem that needed to be dealt with.
A lot individuals, including myself in some ways, believed that this incident was just an anomaly and didn’t believe that something similar could occur to anyone that they knew. That all changed in April of 2015.
The night of my junior prom, I decided that I wanted to go for a run before getting ready. As I made it back to my house, I went to take a post workout selfie to send my prom date. Before I could take the picture, two cop cars swiftly pulled up behind me with their lights off. They both got out of their vehicles and approached me, one of which had his taser aimed and was yelling at me to get on the ground. I was so confused and scared in that moment but out of fear for what could happen, I just got down on the ground and put my face into the concrete. The cops approached me and put their knee and hand on my back and took a good look at me and noticed that they got the wrong guy. I wish I could say that was the worst part, but really it was when my mom opened the front door and saw her son on the ground with two cops on top of him. In that moment, she experienced the same fear and confusion that I was experiencing. In an instant, I could have become another headline on the news, another statistic, or just another outlier that many think shouldn’t be considered when considering the state of our nation. And for years and years the same injustices and neglect for human life continues to go on and on without change.
My question to you is…
How many people will it take?
How much pain will have to be endured?
How close will it have to hit home for you before you decide that you want to stand up for justice?
I often times have to ask myself this question because it is becoming easier and easier to become numb to the broken state of the world that we live in instead of fighting for change. We can so easily slip away from the moment that we are in and get lost in our phones that will tell us whatever we want to believe, see, or hear. We do this instead of facing the reality that it is impossible to be content with the world that is in front of us. I can become just as complacent as anyone else by simply tolerating and navigating around the brokenness that’s all around us instead of addressing it and demanding change.
So, I am sharing all of this not just to share some of my experiences, or to give you a small glimpse into the reality that I live, or even for you to try and understand this situation from my perspective. I share all of this with you because there is only one perspective that is going to make a lasting impact on all of the brokenness around us, and that is God’s perspective. God’s heart is breaking a million times more than any person’s heart will ever break about the wrongful death of George Floyd and death of anyone for that matter. In the Bible, His word tells us that He is a loving God that is compassionate beyond our imagination, but He is also a just God that fights for equality for ALL people. He doesn’t let anything go unnoticed or unseen. He is not a God that just fixes the symptoms of brokenness that we see on the surface, He goes straight to the root of the problem and uproots it. He wants us to stop trying to use behavior modification to fix what truly is a heart issue, and for us to stop attempting to have an earthly response to a spiritual issue. We need God to exchange our selfish hearts of stone and replace them with hearts of flesh that are filled with sacrificial love, compassion, and consideration for one another.
Through the lens of Jesus Christ, we can see how He went out of his way just to speak to and help the lowest of low. He loved us without fault and showed us how to love and stand up for all of our neighbors no matter their race, background, or origin. Although He did no wrong, Jesus still paid the price that we all deserve for our hatred, greed, and neglect of Him and others.
I believe God has put us all in this position so that we can take a step back and realign the way that we live and love others with the way that HE calls us to love and the way that HE calls us to live. Unfortunately, we live in a broken world where people aren’t going to love others accordingly or fight for the justice that every human being deserves, but there will come a day where God will make all things right here on earth and in heaven. So instead of seeking our own revenge, let’s leave the judgement up to God and trust that God sees us and will reward us accordingly.
So that means…
To all those who have been neglected and overlooked
God sees you!
To all of those who have been and are still fighting for change
God sees you!
To all of the people whose hearts are heavy and are hurting from the wrongdoings of someone else…
God sees you!
And for those who are at a crossroad right now and don’t know what direction to go
God sees you!...
And wants to show you how to make a difference, and how to make the world around you a better place. BUT it starts with prayer first. Stop and invite God to give you His perspective on how to live and love others rather than the just seeking a White, Black, Democratic, or Republican perspective or whatever is the most convenient for you. Ask Him to allow your heart to break for the things that His heart breaks for. He has already told us exactly how he feels about this matter through His Scriptures, so let’s seek to know His word so that we can learn how to truly love one another.
God bless you all and if anyone has any questions, concerns, doubts, or frustrations I would love to talk more about this so please feel free to reach out to me at any time.
Psalm 86:15, Psalm 9:7-8, Isaiah 30:18, Deuteronomy 32:4, Romans 12:19, 2 Peter 3:9, Romans 6:23, 1 Corinthians 15:3-4, Ephesians 6:12